I don't understand why I felt so alone during Junior High. I was asking for God to take away the darkness...and I didn't know how to deal with it. Perhaps people were there who were supposed to help and they failed. Perhaps it was my fault that I found myself in such a spot. Or maybe circumstances beyond human control dictated the darkness I found myself in. Who knows. But this I have finally realized. God walked with me through it all, even when I ran away from Him. He NEVER let me go. He placed people strategically in my life. He surrounded me with some safe people, even though some poeple whom I had encountered throughout my life had been anything but. God never stopped drawing me to Himself. I don't understand the pain I went through, but neither do I understand the pain that He saved me from. So many times I only see the things I have to live through and then I cry out in confusion and anger. Yet maybe God is actually protecting me. I don't ever see the whole story, but God does and He keeps His promises whether I see that or not. God IS my refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble (Psalm 46). He was there when I was in Junior High. He was there when I was in High School. During that time I didn't recognize His presence, but He was there. He was protecting me. He protected me through so much when I absolutely should have done or experienced so much worse.
Sometimes I think God has to tear down in order to build up again. Maybe He had to tear down key parts of my life in order to lift me up. Maybe there was so much baggage there, so much brokenness, that something had to give. "'The days are coming,' declares the Lord, 'when I will plant the house of Israel and the house of Judah... Just as I watched over them to uproot and tear down, and to overthrow, destroy and bring disaster, so I will watch over them to build and to plant,' declares the Lord" (Jeremiah 31:27-28 NIV). Abba, never let me forget that you are God and that I am dearly, abundantly, unashamedly, unfailingly, unceasingly loved by a perfect Father. You are Jehovah Rapha, God who heals. You are Emmanuel, God with us.
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