Now all that is left of those days is a vague memory. What you see now is darkness. No sun in sight, no hope of seeing it any time soon. Now what you see is dull grey. This night hasn't just been the length of one evening, it's lasted for days...no months...no, maybe it's even been years...you can't remember right now...maybe if you counted the raindrops you would be able to use that number to calculate the number of minutes you've been sitting like this...starring into space, starring at nothing in particular, just taking in the scene before your eyes...the scene of darkness. At one time, you were waiting for light, but you've forgotten what you're waiting for now. And then, like anyone in their right mind, you begin to think of what you can do to keep yourself alive, to remember how to feel, to remember how to feel, well, anything, I guess...because any feeling, any emotion, is better than this nothingness. Any feeling is better than this heavy blackness you feel. So rather than waiting, you put yourself to the task of making yourself feel again. Maybe you spy an ice cream stand on your way home from work. Maybe one of those lovely drive thrus with two golden arches is welcoming you in. Maybe you see a pastry store, or one of those Frosties enticing you from a window with a sign that says ''ONLY $0.99!'' That, for sure, would make you feel. So you spend the $0.99...a small price to pay for some glimpse of happiness. You begin to enjoy the first bite, but you can't quite do it. All you can think of is getting it all in your mouth as fast as you can.... And then you want more...but you know you shouldn't. So you drive away, thinking longingly of the happiness you didn't enjoy but think you might if you try again. Maybe you try other things...things in the dark that no one sees. Like the ice cream, they seem nice, but instead of enjoyment, what you get is a deeper emptiness, a deeper darkness. But it comes with some promise, some assurance that if you try again it will be different. Ah, insanity...the idea that I can do the exact same thing again and again but get a result that I've never experienced before. You'd forgotten that feeling...it's been a while since you felt it...but it feels like it's welcoming you home. Yes, yes...you can live like this again. Sure, it's darkness, but it's safe now. It's not just darkness, you have a mission, a job. You have somewhere to go, something to pursue. That all elusive, yet oh-so-close ideal, of happiness.
And then you remember the words of a wise woman in your ear...''Don't forget...'' but you can't remember the rest. All you can remember is that you must have forgotten something. What could it be? Your car keys? Your makeup? No...it was something much more serious than that. Much more profound. You can feel it. What am I forgetting? Your concentration is no longer on the darkness...you're trying to figure out what you've forgotten, what you've lost between now and before. ''...remember the light.'' An old memory flits across the screen of your mind...there's a mountain field, and you're in it. You're running through the wildflowers.... But the memory is foggy now, the details are blurry. Wait! Now you remember what you've forgotten...the sun...there is a sun. You knew once it would shine!...but you must have been mistaken. It hasn't shined for, well, you can't even remember for how long. Ugh. You turn back to the darkness, brushing the memory aside like a hot potato...yet as you turn, you remember her words...''Don't forget in the dark what you knew in the light.'' You whip around, on your feet...oh NO! You did it again! You forgot again! But how to remember? You look into the darkness, deep into it...and you see a small ray of light glimmering there...Yes, you think to yourself, once there was light. Perhaps there is yet light for me... and you walk toward it.
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